What Can Be Learned From The Travis Alexander Tragedy

I have not missed a day since this trial began in January. It’s fair to say that I have been "all in" emotionally in the outcome of this trial.

The Casey Anthony trial outcome broke my heart. I prepared myself for the worst and prayed for the best, but my intuition told me the outcome would be exactly what it turned out to be.

Itt seemed God has his hands all over this case, with the crime scene photos, which were some of the most important pieces of evidence to prove that she did it.

What are the odds that such an occurrence could take place? That the victims crime scene photos would be in the camera of the killer.

The only possible reason this could have even happened, given the camera that snapped the pictures, is if she took the pictures of Travis as he was waking up and unaware (which is what it looked like to me) then, once he was in the shower, she set the timer and snapped her now famous 'spread eagle' shot that Travis supposedly took after they had sex. I don't believe for a minute he took that shot. But I was not on the jury.

If she took  that picture, as I believe she well might have, that means the camera was still on “auto” and therefore when the camera dropped, it easily snapped a picture.

Without being on a timer, the camera would have to be prompted to take those incriminating pictures of Jodi dragging a dead Travis back to the shower stall. It was either that scenario, or a miracle. I believe in miracles, so I’ll just leave it at that.

This verdict will not bring Travis Alexander back, but it will help the family heal. What it does, is strike from the record any truth to the lies and shame this girl tried to put on the memory of her victim in that courtroom to save her own skin.

Not for a moment did she ever consider the unbearable pain she was serving his family. Not for a single second.

Jodi Arias is a very sick woman. She is a narcissist. I don’t believe she ever considered that she would be found guilty, as she indicated on her now famous "no jury will ever convict me" speech in her first televised interview after being arrested.  

She believed that statement with all of her little black heart, and I think she believed it all the way to the verdict. She couldn’t cry after the verdict, not because she is stoic, but because she was in shock, much like one might feel if they witnesses an accident so horrible they can’t look away because their brain can’t process a scenario they never imagined happening.

The pundits on HLN News have said that Jodi Arias shows signs of the following personality disorders:

Jodi Arias is a sociopath (a person without conscience)
Jodi Arias is a borderline personality
Jodi Arias is a psychopath
Jodi Arias is a narcissist
Jodi Arias is a pathological liar

Do yourself a favor, and Google every one of the above references. Do your LIFE 101 homework. The only way to escape an emotional vampire is to know what one looks like, moves like, and talk like.  You need to know how they can put people under a spell and trap you.

Take it from Travis Alexander.

It is said that one in every 25 people has a dangerous personality disorder. That’s a very high number. It is imperative that people learn how to read the signs of a dangerous personality. It could save your life personally, and professionally.

When considering friends, employees, relationships, partners of any kind, please learn to listen with all of your senses. Listen with your eyes and not your heart. Listen with your gut, your greatest gift of intuition, not your heart. Your heart will lie to you, your gut will not.  The words must match the behavior. Take it from an actress, otherwise, it's just dialogue. When in doubt, don’t believe the words, believe the behavior.

Believe your uncomfortability (I made that word up but I love it).  

The first time you feel a pang of discomfort in someone’s presence, LISTEN to it. Maybe it’s something they say, maybe it’s something they do, maybe it's the way they talk to the waitress, maybe it’s just a moment, but just pay attention to it.

Hear it. Feel it. Get out.

That’s your intuition telling you to beware. Don’t be so lonely that you will accept anything less than being treated respectfully, and nothing less. 

When someone says it’s over, thank them for being honest and walk away.

When someone makes you feel bad about yourself, when it’s over for you, remember that you don’t owe anyone with unacceptable behavior anything but a view of you leaving the room.

If possible, end it by phone. End it safely, or with family members present, just end it.

Here are warning signs of a dangerous personality.

When you meet someone and they engage you to talk about yourself more than they are talking about themselves, watch out.

LISTEN to everything they say. People love to tell us who they are and we are so busy being put under their spell, we don’t listen to what they are subconsciously telling us. Pay attention to how they treat the waitress, and other service people.

Normal people don’t move too fast. If someone is moving fast, if they are sweeping you off your feet, and where does that leave you? On your butt. Save yourself. It’s not romance, it’s someone who has something to hide and wants to emotionally ensnare you quickly before  that mask falls off and you see who they really are.

If someone is trying to spend so much time with you that your friends and family feel neglected. Take notice. Dangerous personalities always try to quietly separate you from your life in the guise of "just wanting to be with you. "Don’t buy it.

If your friends and family don’t like them. Pay attention to this. Consider that they have no emotional investment and have an unbiased perspective. Travis’ friends did not like Jodi Arias from the get-go. They saw things he could not because he was in a P trance.  She knew what she needed to put him under a spell. 

If you try to end it and they don’t let you, or they refuse to go quietly (anyone with any dignity will tell you that's not what they want but they still go quietly) or, they make you break up with them over and over.. get out, change your number, and call in the family and friends. No more face to face meetings. It’s OVER.

Say it, and mean it.

When expressing to someone your needs, and they don’t honor them, whether it be alone time, time with friends, a day at the spa, a vacation with friends, etc. that is a sign that they do not respect your individuality or your needs and want to control you.

Be careful of rapport building tactics. When someone enters your space, shares how much they immediately have in common with you, always says "I know exactly what you mean," or over compliments you, beware. Normal people want to discover you, like slowly unwrapping a beautiful package. Slow down, where’s the eff-ing fire?

A serious potential mate who is normal should express interest in meeting your family within a few weeks of meeting you.

If you are with someone and you feel trapped or like you are going crazy, get out, plan your escape if you have to. As Nike says, just do it.

If you are with someone who threatens suicide, just know that you are being emotionally blackmailed. It’s a form of manipulation to get you to be somewhere you don’t want to be with someone you don’t want to be with. Plan your escape and get help and support by any means possible.

Dangerous personalities are very charming. If you find yourself being charmed, take a mental break, do it immediately. Stop being so busy being in love, and quickly turn on your spidey senses.

If someone you just met talks badly about their former spouses and relationships and as part of their life story does not accept responsibility, watch out. They perceive themselves as victims and believes everything is someone else’s fault, and hey, won’t that be fun!

Beware if someone wants to have sex with you without an appropriate courtship and commitment. Once you cross that vaginal line, the game changes and you don’t want to regret it.

Implement my good friend, colleague and Therapist Dr. Lionel Schokness' 48 hour rule. You must have 48 hours of TALK time.

Not on the phone, not at a party, not at a movie, none of that.   I’m talking face-to-face, pure talk time. If kissing commences, stop the clock, it doesn’t count. You must have 48 hours of pure talk time. Done right, not having sleepovers with them, can take weeks and that is the exercise here. Because if after 48 hours of talk time you still want to move forward in an intimate fashion (which you probably won't) then you’ll have a better head on your shoulders to make that decision.

Best. Rule. Ever.

In my business we have a saying:

Do it once, and you are just doing it. Do it twice and it's a pattern, do it three times and  it's a habit

Simply by educating yourself, and learning to recognize the behavior patterns of others, as well as your own, you can create an incredible life.

Stop wasting your precious time.

Learn your patterns and others. and if you think this is all too much work, then remember Travis Alexander, and make it a game. Life is so much more fun, interesting, and fulfilling when you do. Life gets better when we do.

For far more information on this and other helpful tips on healing heartbreak, leaving, or avoiding dangerous relationships, personalities and accepting personal responsibility, check out my book "The 30 Day Heartbreak Cure" (Simon & Schuster)

http://www.catherinehickland.com

The 30 Day Heartbreak Cure is available on http://www.Amazon.com